Who can review my sales copy?

Lee Lakin

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Jul 9, 2024
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I'm putting up a website design training. I have gathered some leads in a waitlist WhatsApp group.

I want to send them this copy...

~~~
I WAS STRANDED IN INDIA...
BUT MY WEBSITE DESIGN SKILL SAVED ME.

My money was exhausted.

So, my landlord, Mr. Prakash threw me out of his house.

I was depressed. The thought of taking my life flashed through my mind.

Instead of sending money home, I was begging my father to send me money to India. Terrible situation.

I slept on the street until XXX, a good man from XXX who was studying in India at that time, rescued me and allowed me to squat with him in his one room apartment.

I needed to make money. I need an income stream. I need it desperately. I had no one in India. I was losing my mind. I had bills to pay. I needed to start eating decent meals. I was eating only chapati.

My father who was a farmer couldn't continue sending me money. He was even shocked that I was asking him to send me money from the village to abroad.

But, something happened that dramatically changed my life.

After a few weeks, I bounced back to my feet.

What really happened?

I borrowed money from XXX, my XXX friend and started learning how to design websites using HTML and CSS, and later WordPress.

I started creating content around website design on XXX forum and started getting leads and turned some of them to jjclients.

I started designing websites for people and making money beyond borders.

Today, after more than 11 years, I'm still monetizing my website design skill.

I still offer website design services to clients in XXX and XXX.

I still design websites for individuals and organisations in XXX.

I train people on how to start designing websites using the WordPress software and Elementor plugin.

I also teach them the secrets and strategies of EARNING FROM THEIR WEBSITE DESIGN SKILL.

I do all these from my house in a rural community in XXX where I live.

Listen.

No matter the bills piling up for you to pay, don't be depressed and don't give up on life. I understand how tough the economy is right now.

What you can do now is to increase your streams of income. Increase your earnings.

And the best way to do this in this digital era is to learn a digital skill you can monetize virtually and create extra consistent source of income.

Here's the thing.

If you are looking to start earning extra income and you want a skill that will position you to do that comfortably, it's website design skill using WordPress and Elementor plugin.

You don't need to learn boring codes and programming languages. This is a drag and drop website building. Even a 10-year old child can do it.

You don't need to be young or a graduate. Someone in his 50s and with even a basic education can do it.

What you need is a willingness and commitment to learn and start earning.

Do you know that more and more businesses, organisations and individuals are in need of websites. If you have the skill, you can offer the website design services to them.

Also, aside from making money designing websites for people, you can earn money by teaching others how to design websites using WordPress. You can earn commissions from affiliate marketing. You can earn from managing websites for people. You can earn from selling digital products. You can earn from reselling web hosting.

In this training, I will hold you by hand and practically teach you how to start building stunning websites for your clients, show you all the monetization channels available to you, and show you how to get leads, and how to turn your leads to clients.

You can make at least XXXX (and this is to be on the safe side because I don't know the capacity of your mind ) per month designing websites for people.

If you implement all the marketing strategies I will show you, you can make far more than that in a month.

Also, after the training, I will still provide guidance and mentorship to you for one month. This is a bonus.

To be clear...

This training is worth over XXX.

And my one month mentoring programme is XXX.

So, the total of what you will be getting is over XXX.

But, I will not charge you that.

I will not even charge you half of it.

And I will not ask you to pay XXX.

I want to make you an "are-you-out-of-your-mind" offer.

See...

I'm willing to allow you to pay XXX for this training.

However, I want to still give you a 57% early bird discount.

So, if you pay before 15th February 2024, you will pay only XXX

No hidden charges.

I'm willing to get from this training even if it's money to cover for logistics.

I want you to really feel you have a good deal.

SO, ARE YOU READY TO LEARN WEBSITE DESIGN AND HOW TO MAKE MONEY DESIGNING WEBSITES FOR CLIENTS?

Pay into:
XXX

After successful payment, please, send proof of payment to me via WhatsApp on: XXX

But, I HAVE TO WARN YOU...

This offer is only available to the first 20 people to make payment.

I can only train and mentor 20 people at a time. I want to give them maximum attention.

So, once I get 20 people that pay, I will close down the offer.

And I will open this opportunity again in August 2024.

Don't sleep on this. This training will change your life and income.

I'm rooting for you

Your facilitator,
~ XXX
~~~

I used HOOK-STORY-OFFER as taught by Russel Brunson.

Please, can someone help me make the copy better?

Thank you.
 

Sean Bosco

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Jul 9, 2024
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Don't take this the wrong way, but are you a non-native english speaker? If so it shows in the copy and that could impact your results. You might want to try putting this into Bard or Chat GPT and asking them to point out grammar and spelling mistakes. A tool like grammarly would be good too. In general it's waaaay to long and the 1 sentence per line structure makes it appear as a huge wall of text that my eyes just want to glaze over. Try 1-3 sentence paragraphs and shorten the copy overall a good deal while still trying to retain the hook, story, offer setup.
 

Dayne Green

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Jul 9, 2024
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I am sorry, but this is way too long. Try shortening it, people aren't used to reading these long texts anymore.
As a rule of thumb: Try being precise. Peoples time is valuable.
 

Watson Bins

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Jul 9, 2024
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Ask ChatGTP to make it shorter, but to keep main points, or even make it more prominent. Also ask it to improve language, and spelling mistakes...And, you are good to go :)
 
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